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You’ve probably heard the sentiment around food intake (and I’ve been guilty as well of its use): If you can moderate (said food), keep it in the diet.

And there’s good reason for it.

But why do so many people feel misled by it?

Let me give you a personal example.

I love chips.

I don’t eat them every day but give me a family size bag of a chip I really like and I may very well struggle to keep portion sizes small.

Why is that?

Well, chips, offer a few benefits: they’re crunchy, they’re salty, they’re kind of fatty (which can contribute to a certain type of “mouthfeel”) and that combination makes them pretty easy to overeat.

That being said, I don’t like all chips. I don’t care for sour cream & onion varieties. I’m not crazy about salt & vinegar, although our son, Sebastian, loves them and they aren’t necessarily the kind of thing I randomly crave.

But if you have them in front of me, in a flavor I enjoy, easily accessible, I’m going to want some.

Also, if I had some specific physique goals for myself, I would probably need to keep chips at a certain, temporary distance.

That doesn’t mean I can’t ever have them, but it could mean that easy access could make it harder for me to reach my goals as quickly as I might like.

We know that ultra-processed foods can be a minefield for many people. That can include: candies, ice cream, cakes, chips, crackers, etc.

Now, the good news, is that, depending on the person, depending on the goal, it’s now easier than ever to have portions that are still practical so that you can “have your chips and eat them too”.

It’s easy to find snack size options that may only be 150-200 calories per serving and that’s a lot simpler to work with to give you a little bit of what you’re craving without setting you back against your goals.

It also bears mention that every individual has a different food or food sensation they seek out. For instance, donuts aren’t my kind of sweet treat but cookies are my all-time favorite. Another person could go months without eating a cookie but feel the need for a donut on a daily basis.

This comes down again to personal preference, the mouthfeel of certain foods, and even a personal history around certain foods.

If you grew up in a household where donuts were a reward for a job well done, or something that gives you an emotional pull towards the morning trek to school, donuts may be a difficult food for you to part with. Not because donuts are bad, by any means, but because donuts resemble more than just a sweet treat.

My kind suggestion is that you take stock on the foods you feel you can successfully moderate in the diet, that either give you pleasure or keep you satisfied and energetic throughout your day.

Be honest with yourself about foods that you can genuinely keep in portions that work in relation to the goals you set yourself.

Remember that food environment can be a “make or break” when it comes to success. What you have easy access to may be the first thing you grab when you’re happy, bored, sad, or perhaps trying to numb out a feeling.

Your awareness of that environment and those food choices is key.

So, when we hear “everything in moderation”, that means something different to me, than it does to you. And that’s one of the beauties of being individuals with our own unique tastes and relationships to food.

Here’s a great research piece with more info around ultra-processed foods that you might enjoy diving into.

And if you need my help, drop me a line.

(Photo courtesy of Jeff Siepman)

Picture this:

You set out to lose “X” amount of fat. You get inspired over the weekend, make a decision to change your current food plan, you grocery shop, you meal prep, and come Monday, you’re ready to hit the ground running.

Monday goes well.

Tuesday does, too.

Wednesday you forgot to bring your prepped meals. As a result, you hit the fast food drive thru and, whether you acknowledge it or not, consume double what your meal prepped option would have been. You skip your workout because you mismanaged your schedule and then you eat a little bit more than normal Wednesday night because you figure: The day already went to shit, might as well start over again tomorrow.

Thursday is a return to form.

And Friday, after a week of stressful work, fussing with the kids, and just being sick of adulting, you unwind with drinks, some unplanned sweets, and an addictive show on Netflix.

Saturday is “off the rails” because it’s Saturday and Sunday, you wake up and tell yourself, I need to “get back on track”,. Rinse, repeat.

If this sounds remotely familiar, you’re not alone. The days may change, the diet plan may as well, but the intentions and executions follow a similar pattern.

Maybe you just lack discipline?

Not so fast.

We all know that life has a tendency to derail even our best efforts and plans.

Some people can rack up consistency wins for longer than others but everyone hits roadblocks.

The question is: how quickly do you get past them?

Here are 5 areas I’d like you to think about:

–SLEEP. There’s a strong correlation between poor sleep habits and poor dietary adherence. Cravings tend to increase and there’s a decent chance that you end up in a caffeine/sugar cycle that can be hard to spin out of. Try keeping your caffeine intake before noon and do your best to get on a consistent sleep and wake routine. Electronics use before bed can keep your mind stimulated so you may need to turn those off 30-45 minutes before you’re closing your eyes.

–ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING. Your diet didn’t fail because you had an unplanned day or unplanned meal. What tends to slip people up is assuming they’re “all in” or “all out” when it comes to diet and exercise. Some weeks, most everything will go according to plan. Some weeks, it feels like nothing is working in your favor. Understand that this is “normal” for most people. Be forgiving of the fact that even with good intentions, things will go sideways. Look at the next place in your day to correct the course and do that. The snowball of letting one inconvenience build into another is where most discouragement sets in. You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to find places to improve.

–FOOD ENVIRONMENT. What you have easy access to tends to be what you gravitate to when you’re hungry, stressed, bored, etc. If you have a lot of dietary luxuries nearby: chips, crackers, pretzels, sweets and the like, they can be very appealing when you’re in a pinch. Work with your family and in some cases, your co-workers, to craft an environment that makes it easier to make better decisions for your food plan. That doesn’t mean you can’t ever enjoy a cookie. It may mean that temporarily you stop stocking the pantry with them. Please don’t read what I’m not writing: there are no good or bad foods. There may be foods that are too tempting at the moment.

–STRESS MANAGEMENT. Everyone I know has stress. I do. My wife does. Your neighbor does. The difference is: some people manage stress better than others. They have routine tools they can turn to down-regulate. That might be reading, walking, taking a hot bath or journaling (just as examples). If you don’t have good tools, food becomes the default to solve your stress and if you’re trying to gain momentum on your goals, food is not the solution for everything. Where necessary, reach out to a therapist for help.

–CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS. I have yet to meet the person who doesn’t want to lose fat quickly. Yes, there are ways to manipulate food intake to get the scale to move faster but often, not always, that’s simply water weight. If you want long lasting fat loss success, you may need to accept that it could take months or years to get there. Even those who are on GLP-1 receptor agonist medications for fat loss will have plateaus and places where they aren’t seeing movement. This is normal. Continue to focus on other areas to improve on in the meantime: mental health, strength training, fostering new habits, working on your self talk and knowing when to recover. Health encompasses a lot and it’s not all tied to the scale.

You might also find this study helpful

Need help along the way? Drop a line to me: jason@revfittherapy.com

(Photo courtesy of Thought Catalog)

It’s a story I’ve seen play out repeatedly as long as I’ve been coaching and…”it goes a little something like this…”

-I only eat healthy foods and I can’t lose fat…

-My diet is really clean, why is the scale not budging?

-I’m training hard and I cut out all ‘junk food’, why do I still have this (insert problematic body part here)?

And the simplest answer is that, in spite of your well-intentioned efforts, it’s still very likely that somehow, and in some way, you’re eating more than what you realize.

For so many people, they’re able to look at their current diet and say: I’m going to cut out the chips and the pizza and the beer and that should do the trick.

And perhaps, even in the short term, it works.

Until it stops working.

Think about it like this: a small bag of chips (like what you might order with your sandwich at Subway) is roughly 160 calories. That large avocado you’re about to smear on your toast has almost 300.

Please don’t read what I’m not writing. The avocado has indisputably a better nutrition profile (healthy fats and fiber) AND it has nearly double the calories. If fat loss is your jam, you still have to keep a mindful eye on total intake.

It’s also shockingly easy to overeat (and overserve) peanut butter, granola, trail mix, organic dressings, cooking oils, and basically any nut you’ve heard is “healthy fat”: cashews, almonds, Brazil nuts, peanuts, walnuts, pecans, etc.

One of the most widely shared examples of successful fat loss with a diet of mostly “unhealthy foods” is one by Dr. Mark Haub, a nutrition professor out of Kansas. Dubbed the Twinkie Diet, Haub’s experiment wasn’t designed with the purpose of health optimization, but rather to highlight that you could be successful at fat loss even with a diet that’s nutrient poor if the energy deficit is achieved.

More recently, Coach Jordan Syatt filmed an impressive video where he deliberately spiked his blood sugar every day and still succeeded at fat loss because he maintained a deficit as well. This 30 day experiment was meant to push back on the theory that insulin spikes are preventing people from losing fat.

I would never in a million years tell you it’s not worth the effort to improve the composition of your diet. Maybe you do need to reduce things like added sugars, processed grains, alcohol, and any hyper-palatable, ultra-processed foods.

What I will tell you is that, if you’ve improved dietary quality and the scale isn’t budging, my best encouragement is too look more carefully at how much you’re eating: meal by meal, snack by snack, graze by mindless graze.

For the purposes of fat loss, portions matter and if you want the journey to go as smoothly as possible with the best net benefit to your body, the composition/quality of your food matters too.

(Photo courtesy of Thought Catalog)

Once upon a time, Bella (not her real name) struggled with disordered eating behaviors.

She recalls a period of life where it wasn’t uncommon for her to buy a cake and eat half of it in basically one sitting.

For those counting, that could be upwards of 1000-3000 calories.

And the emotions she would go through, those feelings of guilt and shame or failure for not adhering to a stricter food plan, would have their own consequences.

What many people might not consider is that the very act of indulgence could also bring up feelings of comfort or control, all depending on where Bella was psychologically at that time

Today, she is far removed from those behaviors.

However, some of those same feelings around “good foods” versus “bad foods”, still exist.

Foods that might otherwise be defined as junk foods still hold a lot of negative value in her mind.

So, when she consumes them, regardless of how little she eats, she still sees the very act as a negative one.

And despite the fact that she has been successful and moderately losing fat over the last month we’ve been working together, we’re still trying to unpack a lot of that negative and maladaptive messaging.

She recently was hard on herself for having some sweets and some popcorn, but once we looked a little bit further into the details, it was only a couple of hundred calories worth, a far cry from what the days of cake could contribute.

And I reminded her of a thought around the magnitude of effect.

Emotionally, part of Bella’s mind is telling her that popcorn and sweets are “bad foods” and consuming them is taking her off course.

Logically, they were hardly worth worrying over.

And when we talked about that, about the growth and healing she’s had to overcome to put that one part of her life in the rearview, it still helps to reframe what’s happening with food.

Popcorn isn’t bad.

Sweets aren’t bad.

Cake isn’t bad.

What can make a difference is the story that we can tell ourselves, the mental gymnastics of what that effect is against our goals.

Truth be told, even if she had recently lapsed into half a cake again, it’s not the calories that would be the biggest concern, it’s the emotional weight she’d carry for having consumed the portion she did.

Most food decisions, even the overindulgences, can be corrected and it doesn’t take a 180 degree turn.

But it does take some self-compassion and some patience to remind ourselves that food serves so many purposes in our lives.

Food can be fuel, and love, and comfort, and happiness and often all at the same time.

Sometimes we just need a little reminder that the magnitude of effect may not be quite as detrimental as we once thought.

And we can take a deep breath, step back from the proverbial cliff and get back to viewing food from a lens without quite so much shame, and doubt, and guilt.

(Photo courtesy of Kaouther Djouada)

Every year that passes, since I started Revolution Fitness & Therapy in 2009, is another year I’m amazed by.

And while I am seldom at a loss for words, it does become slightly more difficult for me to express what each passing anniversary means to me.

People may ask you throughout your professional career: Where do you want to be in 5 years…in 10 years…

And I’ve never known how to answer that, especially with regard to RevFit.

What business looked like 10 years ago, was not what it looked like 5 years ago, and 5 years from now, when I fully hope and expect to be writing about our 22nd anniversary, I’m not entirely certain what that reality will look like either.

Some constants remain.

We will continue to do our best at being Northeast Ohio’s premier semi-private personal training facility.

We will continue to nurture and support the goals of a diverse range of clientele, personalities, body sizes and shapes with an environment that (we hope) makes people want to come back for more.

We will continue to push our education forward to keep learning more about how strength training and nutrition can help you live your best life.

We will continue to be the self proclaimed “Center For Misbehaving Adults”, a title we seem to reclaim every single day.

And I will continue to be grateful.

Grateful for the staff who shows up with me day in and day out to provide these services.

Grateful for the community who give us the opportunity to open our doors and keep them open.

Grateful for the people who continue to spread the word about us, by inviting friends and family to be a part of what we do.

Grateful to clients both past and present for helping to inform and broaden the work we do.

Grateful that I can support my family in an industry where the average personal trainer may only last a year or less before they burn out and change fields.

When I opened up in 2009, never in my wildest dreams did I know what year 17 would look and feel like.

But I’ll be damned if I’m not immensely proud of how far we’ve come.

So, no matter who you are, if you’re reading this, thank you in large part or small for being here and allowing a little dream to turn into something really special.

On behalf of myself and the crew at RevFit, thank you.

And a little line to leave you with that I’ve been using more often lately…

Greatness happens here.

You should join us.

Have a conversation around fat loss and somewhere, somehow carbohydrates will likely come up in conversation…

-Well, I’m cutting back on my carbs

-I was low carb-ing it last week to give myself a kickstart

-Every time I eat carbs I feel bloated

And it’s helpful to understand “why” this may be happening.

For one, I normally need some clarification:

“What types of carbs are you cutting out?”

And it may be some combination of white starchy carbs like potatoes, rice, pasta, bread, etc.

Or it may be something that seems more carb-heavy but can actually be an energy dense carb-fat combo like pizza, cookies, cakes, crackers, or chips.

Because when I drill down a bit further, I rarely hear of people cutting out fibrous vegetables (those are carbs) and some of the fear-mongering around fruit is starting to die down (also carbs).

However, one thing that can be frustrating about carbs is the fact that they hold 3-4g of water per gram.

So, if you’re consuming 200g of carbs per day from a variety of sources, you may also be holding on to 600-800g of water as well.

Slash that intake down to 50g of carb per day, like many keto enthusiasts might do, and you’re dropping 450g-600g of water from your body.

Chances are, you’ll notice that on the scale as well.

And for as much as those of us in the fitness space champion protein intake, the other variable worth focusing on is fiber.

And where do we find fiber?

Grains, nuts, seeds, legumes, fruits and vegetables. All of which are predominantly carbs (although nuts, seeds and avocadoes have some fats in them and legumes have some protein.)

The other thing that we tend to notice is that people who are getting in an appropriate amount of carbohydrates tend to perform better with physical activity, as the body will tend to favor that fuel source to help get you through your workouts.

However, just as every digestive system is uniquely different not everyone can tolerate carbs in the same amounts or even from the same sources. I’ve written a lot about this on this website when looking into the low FODMAP approach for IBS and IBD.

So, while you may need to experiment a bit to find the right sources and the right amounts of carbohydrate containing foods that agree with you, it’s an experiment worth working with.

The gut microbiome thrives on fiber diversity and sometimes people can become so fixated on driving the scale down that they forget to give their digestive system the type of “good bacteria” that keeps everything functioning appropriately. And here’s a hint: probiotics won’t be the answer for everyone.

If you’ve ever heard the term: “build a colorful plate”, you can credit the wide array of colors from carbohydrate containing foods.

And ultimately, who doesn’t want the most efficient and effective body they can get?

Yes, for some people, they can cut back on the sweets or some of those fat-carb combos mentioned above to help see better success on the scale.

But for everyone else, you have a huge range of beneficial foods to pick from to help you reach your goals and optimize your health.

Maybe cutting carbs isn’t the answer after all.

(Photo courtesy of Engin Akyurt)

A client of ours took some time off from training here and returned after several years away.

When she came back, she mentioned that she had been on a GLP-1 to help with fat loss.

I asked her how everything was going on the medication.

“It’s been life changing.” she said.

And she added: “Now I know how skinny people feel.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

“It never dawned on me until I got on the medication, that I didn’t need to finish my plate.”

I’ve never forgotten that conversation.

I’ve been in a smaller body all of my life.

Some people think it’s because I never eat “junk food” but that’s not true.

Some people think it’s because I spend a lot of time working out or counting every calorie that goes into my mouth but neither of those is true.

There’s a term that been coming up more frequently over the last several years that I want to highlight and that term is “dysregulated appetite.”

And the easiest way for me to explain it is to think of it like a signal.

For someone who has struggled with their weight for most of their life, they may eat a meal that “should” satisfy them and allow the gut to send a signal to the brain that the body is satiated and eating can cease.

But the signal isn’t clear.

It’s distorted or delayed or compounded with other sensations in the body so that this person continues eating even though they “should” be reducing their portions to help with fat loss.

In my case, and I’ll only speak for my lived experience, those satiety signals are often very clear.

For example, yesterday I went out to lunch with my mother and my oldest son, Jackson.

I wasn’t overly hungry but I also didn’t want a heavy meal like burgers and fries or pasta.

So I ordered a flatbread pepperoni pizza that came off the appetizer menu.

When it arrived, it was sliced into 8 pieces, and according to the menu, each slice was approximately 130 calories.

I made it about halfway through and I already knew I wasn’t going to be able to finish it.

Sure enough, I left two slices behind, which my son was more than happy to finish for me.

That signal, in my case, was letting me know that if I kept up the eating, I would go quickly from satisfied to uncomfortably full.

And this is pretty normal for me.

I wasn’t saving those extra pieces because I was concerned about calories. I was saving them because I really don’t like feeling uncomfortably full.

But for someone whose signal is less clear, they keep eating not directly because of discipline or willpower (although they play a role), rather the signal isn’t firing loudly enough to get them to stop.

Fullness means something different to them.

Satisfaction from a meal means something different to them.

Stress, trauma, grief, personal relationship to food, and our relationship to our body image all play a role in how we respond to our appetite.

And in the case of my returning client, and the many people who’ve had similar results on a GLP-1, the medications can make living with a dysregulated appetite much easier.

No, the medications may not “teach” someone how to reverse the dysregulations but they can make other health promoting actions a lot easier in consideration of the big picture.

(Photo courtesy of Emanuel Ekstrom)

I keep a desk calendar in my office and was turning the page from March to April when I noticed a day on April 14, recognized as Holocaust Remembrance Day (although this day is different each April.)

I haven’t written a great deal on this website about my Oma, my father’s mother.

There is so much I want to write but I know that when I take that project on, I want to involve more than just my own memories.

However, there are two memories of note that I wanted to share this week: the earliest one I can recall when I was first told by my father about my Oma’s experience in the concentration camps, and one of the last memories I have when I was able to visit her before she passed in 2015.

Sometime in the early 80s, our family had been transferred to Lawton, Oklahoma.

My Oma and Opa came to visit us and I was probably close to 5 years old at the time.

Like many young boys, I enjoyed some manner of “cowboys and Indians” or “cops and robbers” and I had a small collection of toy guns in my room.

Excited to show one of them off, I wandered into our living room to show the gun to my grandparents and my Oma started shrieking.

My Opa, in no uncertain terms, let me know that I shouldn’t bring a gun around Oma.

At the time, I didn’t understand.

So, I took that gun back to my bedroom, found another toy gun that perhaps they would like better and went back to the living room.

Again, the same expression from my Oma.

Again, the same admonishment from my Opa.

At which point, my father took me back to my bedroom and told me, for perhaps the first time in my life, that my Oma had survived the concentration camps in World War II and that I could not bring any toy guns around her.

My Opa passed in 1993 and during his life, rarely did I hear my Oma speak about the camps.

What I did see, what we all saw, was the reminder she kept about the camps, a “stamp” of identification on her forearm with the numbers 81830.

It was only after Opa passed that Oma began to share more about the camps, in bits and pieces, with many of us in the family.

Fast forward to around 2014 and we were visiting Oma at her home in North Carolina. She would have been around 92 at the time.

There is a book, perhaps you’ve heard of it, called “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Viktor Frankl. It is typically referred to as a must-read book because Dr. Frankl, like my Oma, was also a Holocaust survivor.

I had just read the book prior to our visit and I asked her if she had ever heard of it.

She had not.

I said: You know, Oma, he was also a survivor at the camps. He was in four different camps including Auschwitz (a location they shared in common, though likely at different times.)

She looked at me and said: Four different camps. My oh my, I was in fourteen!

And it was then that I was reminded how little I knew about what she had experienced and how she managed to survive.

What I do know is that despite what she endured in those camps, Oma was never anything but kind, considerate, thoughtful, and loving.

She is a consistent reminder for me that kindness should prevail over everything else.

Some books I would encourage everyone to read:

-The Choice: Embrace The Possible by Edith Eger

-The Happiest Man On Earth: The Beautiful Life Of An Auschwitz Survivor by Eddie Jaku

-Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl

1: Finding a movement practice that you can start with and become consistent with is the first rock to move. That might mean consistently walking, doing yoga, taking Pilates, or starting a strength training program. Don’t fuss over what the “best” thing is to do. At the beginning, it’s about finding a practice you can do to make the routine part of your lifestyle.

2: Aiming to be sore after a workout is not a great marker to measure against. Soreness could be an indication that you are not recovering appropriately.

3: Beginners in strength training tend to make quick progress over the first year or so. After that, progress generally slows down and it can take more effort, time, and focus to reach new records in the gym.

4: Look for the gaps. If you’re currently lifting weights consistently, look to see if you need to level up on adding in cardiovascular exercise. If you do yoga or Pilates, you probably need to start incorporating strength training.

5: You’re going to reach a point in your training where several workouts per month will probably feel like they were a waste. They’re not. Some workouts will feel like trash, some will be okay, some will feel great. This is normal.

6: One of the most difficult things to bounce back from isn’t injury or illness. It’s taking a considerable amount of time off. You can train around most injuries. You can start back slowly after you’ve come off of being sick. But if you’re taking weeks off from training it is so incredibly difficult to put that time back into your schedule. I don’t subscribe to the philosophy of #nodaysoff but I do think you need to keep a steady routine of training without walking away from your movement practice altogether.

7: If your last 2-3 reps of an exercise are basically the same speed and intensity of your first 2-3 reps, you’re not challenging yourself enough.

8: If the only training you’ve been doing is training to “feel” a certain way, start documenting your training. Try to beat previous weights, reps or sets. Conversely, if all you’ve ever done is document everything, take a break and train to “feel.” You will likely appreciate the difference between the two.

9: Vomiting and passing out are not badges of honor. Training should give back to your life, not take away from.

10: Authors Chris Crowley and Dr. Henry Lodge said it best (and I’m paraphrasing): Your body does one of two things: growth and decay. You get to choose which one it will do.

11: If you’re looking for longevity with your life, lifting weights is going to be hard to beat.

12: Start at any age. If the first time you lift a weight is the age of 70, by God, do so and make the best of it. Your body will thank you.

13: Unless you’re competing in lifting, there is no exercise that you absolutely have to do. Some may have more benefit than others to cross over for activities of daily living but don’t think you need to put a barbell on your back to squat. You just need to start squatting and get better and stronger.

14: I’m going to share a little something with you from 18 years of coaching. A sentiment shared by more women of a certain age than ever before. After years of caring for others, women are coming in and saying: I need to take care of myself for once. And I need to be strong. Ladies, this is your sign to get started. Get started soon, and don’t ever, ever, stop taking care of yourself.

15: Injuries may happen. This can be one of the risks of pushing your body. The goal is to minimize the frequency of injury, to reduce the length of time you’re in recovery and to find ways to train around the injury.

16: No matter what size or shape you are, how your move your body can contribute to a level of confidence that few other things in this world can give you. When you see what your body is capable of, you will find ways to treat it with more respect.

17: Our current eldest client, Richard (86) once said: I’m here to train so that I go as long as humanly possible without my family having to take care of me. Amen to that, Richard.

18: Don’t let your former glories discourage you from where you are now. All that matters is the best you can give at this moment. Let your best effort now inform what happens tomorrow.

19: There is no perfect workout plan. There are plans that ebb and flow with the demands of your life. Show up for them and make modifications in real time to let them complement what life is currently throwing your way.

20: Having a community to support your training goals is invaluable. Yes, some people can get by training solo in their basement, garage or at a gym. They are not the rule, they’re the exception. For everyone else, find your crew. It will take you further than you can imagine. I know a place…

I’ve been thinking a lot about respect lately.

It’s a conversation Marissa and I have been having with our son, Sebastian, as well.

The sentiment being: that we encourage him to be kind, to be considerate, to be respectful…

And also, that’s it’s possible to be both nice and to not allow yourself to be disrespected.

Respect, I’ve found, can be a heavy word.

It’s something that I think many people can relate to not always giving where it’s due.

As the adage goes: respect is not given, it is earned.

I look back through the pages of my own life and I can see where, when I had no respect for myself, I, in turn, had little respect for others.

And it was in those moments, I would commit many of my gravest mistakes as a human being.

I’ve listened to stories told by my mother, stories told by my father (before he passed away in 2011) and stories I still hear from my maternal grandmother (pictured below, who just turned 93 this week) and I hear countless examples of where respect was granted and where respect was lost.

I write these words as a father, a son, a husband, and my life tends to work much better when I work from a place of respect.

Respect for myself, first and foremost.

Respect for others, as a result.

Easy words to write, much harder to live and demonstrate.

I believe, that when we can work from a foundation of respect, we listen better, we care more deeply, we pay attention to signals our bodies give us about when to press the gas and when to pump the brakes.

It’s not a perfect process, it’s not a perfect philosophy, it’s flawed and nuanced and fraught with periods where it all goes off track.

It’s a sentiment that’s been a consistent thread in our home, in our family’s conversations, and I believe it will remain something we talk about for many years to come.

I believe it takes a certain degree of self-awareness to see where it’s missing in your life.

I also believe that when we have it, and show it, the world inside us and around us tends to improve.

I know how it was taught to me, and even though it has not always been at the forefront of my mind and my behaviors, respect is something I try to always bring back to the center.

And I hope you’ve found a place for it in your life as well.